Telling Deeds

Dating sites

2008-02-01T19:42:00.000-06:00

Some questions brought up by my pathetic self trolling dating websites mere days from my 39th(!) birthday.

What the hell happened to all those guys who say, "Any honest women?" and "no games" or my favorite, "no drama." They might as well say "no relationships" if they think that they're not going to have lies, drama and games. No one is that honest or laid back.

How many inches should I take off of a guy's listed height on his profile? Is that guy who claims to be 5' 7" really 5' 6" or 5' 5"? Or are guys honest about that?

And what does all this mean?
I'm a good guy. I open doors when necessary but won't go out of my way. I will pay for the first date but am counting on you to be a big girl and take care of yourself. When I say I will call I will but won't call you five times a day. I can listen to you gripe about others just don't gripe at me. I respect your space...please respect mine. I'm witty but not going to show someone up.

Here's my interpretation:
If I feel like it, I'll be nice.
My ex spent every dime I made, and there's nothing left.
Don't call me.
You aren't allowed to complain about anything that I do.
You aren't ever going to stay the night.
I'm not that smart and I don't like it when people get the better of me in conversation.

I'm feeling a little mean. That's probably not the right mood in which to find a date.

My Girl

2008-01-26T14:37:00.000-06:00

My first cat's turning 17. That's older than most of my students. Here's a blurry but cool photo of her that I took the other day.

Comic-Con, International

2008-01-26T13:56:00.000-06:00

Total dork that I am, I have already purchased passes to Comic-Con in San Diego. There will be a lot of special guests, and in buying the passes early I get to go to the preview night.

I'm hoping to meet some of the creators of my favorite comic books. I know that last year it was a showcase for lots of movie and tv show crap, but mostly I want to meet writers and artists.

My brother, my niece and I are going to rent a house on the beach and stay for a couple of weeks. It should be pretty cool, except that Chloe and Cletus can't bring the little Cletus, because by then Chloe will be almost nine months pregnant with future little Chloe.

At least I know that since the Texas state legislature has interfered in school start dates I won't have to start work until the end of August instead of the beginning.

I have to go run some errands now, because tonight I have an appointment with an XBOX 360 guitar controller and Rock Band. I'm the fill-in bassist for the band, and I'm practicing so I can take over when the regular guy gets carpal tunnel.

Sexist Attitudes

2008-01-19T19:00:00.001-06:00

So the niece was over the other day, and she picked out some movies to watch. These included Blade Runner and Chasing Amy. We watched Chasing Amy over at Brad and Jenny's house.

Near the end of the movie, the protagonist, Holden finds out that his girlfriend Alyssa has had more sexual experiences than he, and with multiple partners. Male partners. He previously had thought that she was a lesbian with no experience with men, but he didn't flinch at that.

He confronts her at a hockey game, and they have a screaming fight about it. He tells her that he doesn't understand how she could have those kind of sexual experiences as a teenager, and how could she do it, those guys were using her. She screams back at him that, no, she was using them. He admits later on a feeling of inadequacy, that he somehow must have an equal number of sexual exploits and also they must be somehow equivalent in kink as well.

And after that scene I had to do engage in some self reflection. I realized that I've bought into that attitude of misogyny that teenage girls are unable to consent to sexual encounters, that only the boys possess the agency to consent. That only boys really want to engage in sex when they're teenagers. Though I know intellectually that's not true.

I don't think that I blamed boys for any sex acts that I engaged in, I haven't been resenting any of my former partners for "making me" do things with them. I had the ability to consent in my life. But at the moment that Holden tells Alyssa that those boys were using her, I agreed with him. I couldn't see the other side of the dynamic there, that Alyssa wanted or needed to explore her sexuality, and that she hadn't somehow been degraded and used by the experience of having sex with two boys at once.

I've been struggling with myself, trying to figure out not only what I think about myself and sex, but also why I think it. And what influence have movies and popular culture had on these attitudes? Do I think, as many in America seem to think, that women are submissive victims and that men are predatory?

I was watching Law & Order SVU last night. It was the one from this week about a teenage boy who sodomized another boy and raped three little girls. The defense attorney blamed an ever-present media that obsesses over sex and argued an insanity defense. The boy saw sex everywhere and merely wanted to emulate what he saw. Which might have worked as a defense for me, except that seeing sex everywhere doesn't correlate, in my opinion, with wanting to do violence. Sex and rape are two very different things, and to say that exposure to images of sex makes a child want to brutalize and rape other children ignores the difference between the two.

On the show, Detective Stabler speaks to the ADA about the prevalence of sex on TV and the internet, how it's available all the time to anyone who wants to see it. But he doesn't talk about porn movie theaters or the availability of DVD's or HBO and other cable stations. He mentions women. He says that his boy grew up right because he, the detective had protected him. He had protected his son from "girls who wear Hustler t-shirts" to school, Jenna Jameson and the evil Britney Spears and Paris Hilton.

So, I'm confused. Which is it? Are girls unable to consent to sex or are they responsible for the corruption of boys? Are Britney and Paris undermining the morals of the nation? What about all the male celebrities who carouse and drive drunk? Are they only not noteworthy because they don't flash pussy? Surely there are some paparazzi out there who've captured some of the men whipping it out.

I'm not sure that this post is cohesive. Maybe it should be split into two different topics, but it was all on my mind. What do you think?

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2007-12-25T21:59:00.000-06:00

It's been almost six months since my last post here. Wow, time flies. And stays extraordinarily still at the same time.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to all. Raise a glass to my mom, if you're so inclined. I think she'd like that. Maybe have a smoke too, just to taunt the gods, and then say "fuck" to make it a Kate's mom trifecta.

It was hard to not talk about her today, but harder still to say more than "Here's to Mom." I am however, grateful to all the friends and family who've supported me/us in the last six months. It would have been so much harder without you, and I love you all.

My Mother

2007-07-15T22:38:00.000-05:00

My mother died two weeks ago. She had a heart condition, and at the end of June she went into the hospital for valve replacement surgery and didn't come out.
These are the words that I spoke at her memorial.

My Mother

Not everyone loved my mother.
The cashier at Wal-Mart didn’t.
She bought a magazine, then remembered something else she wanted and went right back to the front of the line.

The nurse at her doctor’s office asked my mother's doctor a question when my mother left. “Why was that woman mad at you?”

My mother got mad at me once for putting a supermarket cart back in the rack.
“What are you doing that for?” She said.
“Because my mother taught me to put things back.” I replied.
“No, she didn’t.” She said.

My mother gave me a tip about dating, that she said she got from her mother.
“Go out with anyone who asks you, because you never know who their friends are.”

My mother took us to get library cards the moment we moved into our house.
She went to the library every week and would get at least a dozen books.
She'd have to take at least four of them back because she’d already read them.

My mother grew up on a farm, and she hated home-made things.
Books were the best gifts, so we got her a club card from Barnes and Noble.

We loved her. Anyone who spent time with her remembered her, and they appreciated her. Some of the things people have told us over the past few days have included these words: wonderful, infectious laughter, voracious reading, quick wit, proud of her family,
interesting subject for a biography.

My mother loved Judge Judy, and Solitaire and Free Cell. She loved pictures of flowers, yellow roses, and grilled cheese sandwiches.

She loved her family, and raised us in a way that helped us to be who we are, independent and self-sufficient.

One day as we watched Oprah talking to a mother and daughter having problems, my mother said she didn’t understand why the mother would spend all of her time obsessing about and interfering in her daughter’s life.

I told her, “Well, you could be like that mother, but then you’d have to put down your book and get up off the couch.”
Then my mother laughed, her loud laugh, and admitted that I was probably right.

Carolina

2007-03-31T01:03:00.000-05:00

Carolina told me a story today. She's 15, and she was born in Mexico. She had an argument with her history teacher about whether or not she's an American. She says she's not, she's proud to be from Mexico and to have lived there until she was ten.

One day, right after her fourth birthday, Carolina and her cousins felt eyes watching them while playing on the patio of her house in Mexico. Something watched them from the trees. Her cousins got frightened and started to run away. They yelled at Carolina to run away too, but she wasn't fast enough. A bruja flew down from a tree and swooped her up.

The bruja flew Carolina to a cave, put her down and made her sing and dance and tell stories to the other witches there. Carolina did what they told her, and after a while she lay down to sleep. She woke in the grass of her backyard near the patio of her family's house. She had been with the brujas all night.

Carolina went indoors to see her mama and papa. They said, "Which cousin took you home?" Carolina told them what had happened, that she'd been gone all night. She asked her cousins why they didn't tell her parents about the bruja. The cousins all said that they were afraid they'd get beaten if they told what happened.

Then Carolina looked at me and said, "No one believes me when I tell that story, but it really did happen to me."

Tales of Teenage Trouble

2007-03-29T19:39:00.000-05:00

I got invited to prom today. One of my male students told me he doesn't have a date. Then he said, "Miss, will you go to prom with me?"

I said, "No offense, but ewww. I'm way too old for you, and I'm your teacher."

The girls at the table closest to me started to giggle, and said, "Miss, that was mean!"

I didn't think so, but when I told my mom she said, "You didn't say 'eww' to his face, did you?"

My students seem awfully concerned with my personal life. Who am I dating, and if not, why don't I have a boyfriend? Do I go to the clubs? How do I dance? Do I like cheese?* Do I think the principal's hot? Would I date the principal if he wasn't married? Would I date the principal and break up his marriage if I knew he was the love of my life?

Perhaps their next step will be to set me up with their relatives.

*For those of you that don't know, cheese is a drug combination of heroin and Tylenol PM. They were trying to trick me into saying that I do drugs.

Fun with Hot Glue

2007-02-18T22:43:00.000-06:00

Did you know that high school students will take the opportunity to glue anything to anything else? There are my two self-proclaimed "geniuses" who insist on making Elmer's glue hands every chance they get, and the rest of them seem about as mature.

So far I've had a chair and some quarters hot-glued to the floor, a surge protector and another quarter glued to the table, and just the other day another two mental giants decided to put hot glue on themselves at exactly the same time and see who made a face or made a noise first. 'Cuz the name didn't warn them.

According to one of them, "It didn't turn out like I thought it would."

So, to sum up, they all appear to be of superior intelligence. And, on Tuesday, the little darlings take the state assessment.

Thankfully I'm not responsible for the remediation after the test. Though I did need to remind them that hot things MIGHT burn. Guess what project I'm not doing next year?

It's My Birthday

2007-02-11T13:29:00.000-06:00

It's my birthday. I'm old. I'm almost forty, and not in the When Harry Met Sally "I'm almost forty," "Yeah, in eight years," kind of way.

I didn't even get carded yesterday when I bought a case of Shiner and some Oreos at the grocery store yesterday. The checkout guy said, "Did you find everything?" and I said, "What else would I need?"

Brad, Chloe, Jenny and I had some friends over at Jenny's house last night for beer and pizza. After discovering that Macaroni Grill couldn't seat a party of eight for at least an hour and a half, though they don't take reservations.

It was nice to see them, and we had a good time. We ate and drank and then played tennis on the Wii. They bowled and I watched. If any of them are reading, thanks for the birthday wishes. I love you guys.

Today I'm going to enjoy living in my own place, and later go have some cake and ice cream over at Mom and Dad's. When I get back, I expect to see that the rest of you have tidied up some. Or there won't be cake for you.

Stupid, Stupid Rat Creatures

2007-02-11T13:24:00.000-06:00

Boston police and government officials are now officially stupider than other police and government officials across the country. They responded to a marketing ploy as a terrorist plot. All of you have heard about that, no doubt, but I just read this on Yahoo! News.

Now Cartoon Network and TNT all share in the stupidity. I'm just sayin'.

My Artist Plan

2007-02-05T17:34:00.000-06:00

The spider monkey's let up a bit, so I'm feeling a little relaxed. Until both my co-teachers didn't come to work today. It's rough trying to make sure my stuff gets done and other people's does too. At least I got to use my planning period for my stuff instead of covering classes.

I've been contemplating several types of goals, and knowing myself, short term seems to work better. I had earlier thought that I could do the Photo 365 thing like on Photojojo but apparently I suck at long term commitments like that. I think that I got 5 consecutive days and then screwed it all up.

I still plan on posting those photos that I did take somewhere though. So, here's the unbaked cookies.

Draw daily (or just more).
Have a monthly focus.
Edit National Novel Writing Month novel from 2004.
Use and become familiar with my digital camera.

Got some goals for yourself?

I'm Back

2007-02-01T20:32:00.000-06:00

My new job's like a ravenous spider monkey, taking all my energy and using all its limbs to hold me down. But I'm breaking free, and it can't stop me.

I've missed blogging, and I've been thinking about restarting for at least a month, but it just didn't happen. Why is a question for years of analysis, that would probably say I didn't have a good relationship with my mother as a child. My mother, with a book in one hand and a cigarette in the other, who's burned almost everything she owns yet never started a fire, done me wrong. Okay, not really. She's actually pretty cool for a loud, rude New York Protestant.

I'm going to make some goals. Some pretty cool people have done that resolution thing, and as I am a follower, I ask: Where's the bandwagon?

I'm a bit late, first of February and all, but as with my every day life, better late than never.

Stay tuned for more in the continuing saga of Kate's Developmental Disorder, or How to Make Plans that Never Come to Fruition, Part II.

Christ Has Something to Tell Me*

2006-10-05T15:57:00.000-05:00

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required. As come better will. please when act more. NEXT: Are enough get Answer SURE answer extremely important question View video online min. Discover yourself message HOPE brings presented own time. Watch motion picture. Receive precious Read story Story bad things about Why Learn about: Reality Hell Religions Compared Bible: About Creation amp Evolution CONTACT follower friendly discreet personal DO YOU HAVE WEB PAGE SHARE THIS WITH YOUR VISITORS available various special link directly URL: Webmaster courtesy graphics

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live with heaven. must accept His gift cannot earned. Believe your savior whom access Father. Your faith required. As come better will. please when act more. NEXT: Are enough get Answer SURE answer extremely important question View video online min. Discover yourself message HOPE brings presented own time. Watch motion picture. Receive precious Read story Story bad

*but it's apparently in code.

Another Job

2006-09-28T22:14:00.000-05:00

I interviewed with the art supervisor of the district last week. Then the principal's secretary called me and I interviewed with him and his "associate principal." They're both younger than me, btw.

The school's not in white suburban central, which is good, but it's undergoing renovation, which isn't so good. They need someone right away, but I haven't heard anything in the last few days.

Then, this week, I got another call. The art supervisor from my most recent job called me to tell me of an opening that might happen in October, and asked me to come in and interview with her. We talked for an hour and a half. Turns out the current teacher's letting the kids have all the power. Not good, but also sometimes easy to let happen.

So I've got two opportunities here. To be honest, part of me's kinda mad. I'd already made peace with the fact that I'm no longer a teacher in a public school. Now, apparently the universe has other plans for me, or it's all some big cosmic bait and switch to pull my attention away from the plans I'd made outside the public school arena.

But I'm trying to be positive here. I'll get a pay raise, and it'll be a new school and a totally different experience.

Also, two of my friends have recently announced that they're expecting. One of whom tried over and over, so that's good. Another of whom I'm proud to know. And her husband too.

Congratulations seem to be in order a lot today.

Jobs

2006-09-21T22:48:00.000-05:00

I quit my job in June. Then I changed my mind, but there wasn't another available. Then I had a plan to find a sponsor, like a Nascar driver, to find a corporation to pay me to teach art. That didn't pan out (yet), but I'm scheduled to teach some classes at an arts and crafts store.

Yesterday a school district called. They need an Art teacher for a high school. In the middle of September. Which almost never happens.

So I have an interview tomorrow. I'm trying to stay detached, but it's hard not to make imaginary plans in my head of what I'm going to do if I get the job. Especially since I'll get a substantial pay increase.

Wish me luck.

Happy Birthday Melleners!

2006-09-14T10:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Birthday Melleners!

Why don't you mosey on over to my favorite music blog and wish her many happy returns? You don't have to mention I sent you, just pretend you knew already.

How Creative Can Stacking Paper Be?

2006-09-06T22:22:00.000-05:00

That's currently my life. Stacking sheets of paper. I'm creating sculptures out of binder clips, I'm so bored. Thankfully the people where I work are very nice. But I'm a temp and I'm trying not to get attached.

I was all ready for last Friday to be my last day, but they decided they need me one more week. They let me check files out and stack them at home so that I can do my other job too. Which has taken me more than a month to go through the application process, and I'm still not sure when I'll start, if ever.

I'm tired. I came up with an idea for Illustration Friday's topic for "safe." It's not exactly PC, but I think it's apropos. Go to Distilled if you'd like to see it.

Lute Riley Honda Sucks

2006-08-28T19:18:00.000-05:00

I took my car with the ailing a/c to the dealership in Dallas. They told me it was the condenser, and it would cost $440, but that they wanted to give me a deal and so they'd take $100 off to make it $340. I arranged my appointment, and thought no more of it.

The day of the appointment arrived. I drove to the dealershipo at about 6:45 in the morning and arranged for their free shuttle to take me to work and pick me up again.

While at work, the service guy called me. He said they'd definitely found the problem, which made me feel relief. I'd already replaced the compressor at about $900 and the a/c electrical panel for $350. He told me that the service normally runs $540, but that with the $100 of that I'd be getting a great deal at $440.

I said, "That's not what you said before. That quote's gone up $100 since Saturday."

He insisted that he'd said no such thing, and that it wasn't possible that he would make a mistake like that. I told him to make the repairs anyway, and finished my work and waited for the shuttle.

At the dealership I pointed out to the service guy that he'd not said anything near $500. He said he remembered, but that he'd go talk to his manager and see if he could do anything else for me. My car wasn't yet ready, so I waited in the waiting room.

The service guy came back, and gave me the dealership line of all dealership lines, "My manager was standing right next to me, and he heard me quote you the higher price."

I pressed him some more, but he didn't budge. I ended up having to pay $420. But, oh joy, I got a coupon for a free oil change.

So Lute Riley lies. Get your quotes in writing.

Let's ban everything from air travel

2006-08-11T19:45:00.000-05:00

I never really understood the term "clockwatcher" until this week. I've been temping at a bank, doing what's called "stacking files." I'm taking mortgage files and taking everything out and putting it back in the correct order. I keep it consistent with a series of slipsheets with headings and check boxes on them. Asleep yet?

At work today my two co-workers were talking about the terrorists that the British apprehended. One of them is afraid to fly. The other one wants to know why the airlines couldn't anticipate this threat and ban liquids sooner. Then the first one said that she doesn't know why Homeland Security can't keep us secure.

I'll tell you why. Hindsight only works one way. I can't express very well at the moment how I feel about all the panic, but here's a passage from The Liquid World by William Saletan at Slate.

"That's the bottom line: We die. In a liquid world, you can't seal off evil. All you can do is fight liquid with liquid. You have to absorb the tragedy, flowing around and through it. You need the strength of a river, not a rock. You need resilience. You can't be untouchable, but you can be undefeated."

. . .

A Job

2006-08-08T20:07:00.000-05:00

I have a temporary job. In Dallas. At a mortgage place. Stacking files.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm SUPER excited. I get to drive through rush hour traffic tomorrow while everyone's taking their kids to school. Then I get to stay there until 5:30. That's gonna be weird. I can't remember the last time I worked hours like that.

School hours were 7:30-3:30. Mostly. Let's see if I don't end up murdering someone at the end of the three week period.

Actually, I'd just like to kill whoever made the decision to make the employees of this place take a drug test. Nothing makes you feel like a criminal quite like handing someone else a cup of your urine.

My Life Plan

2006-08-07T23:16:00.000-05:00

I'm jobless. I quit my job and now am unemployed. School for the actual teachers starts tomorrow, and it's the first time in eight years that I won't be there.

I expected to be really sad about it, but other than feeling a faint urge to go to school anyway, I'm not sad.

Instead, I'm planning on being my own boss. I've been writing a business plan and it's going really well. I'm spending a lot of time on the internet doing research on businesses, marketing and selling and social networking.

I found this site called dandelife that I'm having a great time playing with. It's like a blog but it incorporates all your titles into a timeline, and you can add tags too. It's fun, go look.

Boys, again, are dumb

2006-08-07T20:52:00.000-05:00

My roommate notices very little. We have, in fact, had long conversations about the things he doesn't notice. He says it's because they're ultimately not important. Not my position, but sometimes arguing about it takes too much effort.

We were in the car and passed a pretty crepe myrtle. I mentioned how I like them, but not the bright pink ones. I told him that I was pretty sure I knew the answer, but did he notice that the crepe myrtle in our backyard had bloomed, and was of the fuschia persuasion.

He said something similar to "There's a crepe myrtle in the backyard?"and then I pointed out that the crepe myrtle occupies the side of the driveway that he pulls his car into. He said no, he hadn't noticed the color. Just then we pulled into the driveway and I pointed at the shrub and the blossoms overhanging the fence.

He looked up at the side of the garage and said, "What happened to the fixtures on the wall? Why aren't there any lightbulbs up there?"

I started to laugh, hysterically, and it took a moment for me to catch my breath and reply. "Bear," I said, "you're the one who removed the lightbulbs for me, so I could buy new ones."

"Oh." he said. "When did I do that?"

Apparently, there have been deeds. . .

2006-08-07T20:42:00.000-05:00

. . . and I should be telling you of them.

Okay, so the other night I was getting ready for bed. I was in my room taking my clothes off, and just as I had taken off my bra, in flies a gigantic black bug.

At first I thought it was a wasp, so I backed away from it, but then, clutching my unhooked bra to my chest, I noticed that it wasn't flying like one and that it looked an awful lot like a cockroach.

I searched around desperately for something to fling over myself to make the short, but very visible, trip into the kitchen to get the flyswatter, and finally found a t-shirt.

I saw the bug on the floor about to go under my bed, and pushed Calvin The Giant-Fly-Eater toward it, but the loser turned up his nose. I ran to the kitchen and grabbed the flyswatter, but the bug had disappeared. I used the flyswatter and a flashlight to search, but no go.

This made me not want to sleep in my room. I've woken up with a cockroach on my pillow before, and I didn't want that to happen again. Reluctantly, I decided to get over it and sleep in my bed despite my fear.

I woke the next morning to my lovely kittens, called The Brothers Dim by some, mauling the laundry basket. They'd found the wonderfully un-cockroachy beetle, and I captured it and put it outside.

Enough deed for you, o' pushy one?

To Remind Chris and the Diva

2006-07-20T10:31:00.000-05:00

It's been a while, but here are the things I wrote down that I must remind you:

Read Lamb by Christopher Moore

Next time that you're in Paris, go to Shakespeare & Co, the book store.