Tuesday, June 30, 2009


Mom, 1948.

It's been two years since my mom died, and I still think about her every day. I have a hard time watching shows on TV that show people in hospital beds. It almost always makes me cry. Last week the TNT show The Closer had the main character's cat get sick and die, and that made me cry too. I'm tired of crying already.

Sometimes I almost wish I could believe in heaven. I don't, and I know that when people say that my mom's in a better place that they mean well, but it doesn't make me feel better. I can't convince myself now that she's gone that there is some higher plane. How does that make people feel better? I'm not being snarky, that's a real question.
I've talked to one sister on the phone, and she's at home today so as not to deal with work. I'm trying to call the other one to go see my dad. I want to be there with him, but avoidance is sooo attractive. The bubba's out of town, so I'll try to call him later so as not to get him all sad at work.

I'm so petty. I've got all these jealousies and mean emotions right now too. People suck. Me included.