Thursday, June 01, 2006

My Mother was a Selfish Bitch

One of the best things that my mother ever did for me was be a selfish bitch. Sometimes I really hated her. Especially when she sat on the couch and directed me and my siblings efforts to clean the living room.

But I realize now that she probably did it sometimes because she was trying to teach us self-reliance and independence. Other times she just wanted to sit on her ass and not clean up after us. My mother taught me to cook on the stove at nine. I started doing my own laundry and eleven. Not because she had a job, but because she was trying to give us ourselves and diminish some of her own domestic workload. (I understand this impulse, as living with any man seems to increase a woman's work.)

The reason I bring this up is because of a kid in one of my classes named Jake. He's got a blended family. Dad, stepmom, stepbrother and two brothers live together, and then his mom in another house. (Not sure if she re-married or not.) Recently he gave me trouble in art class. He disregards my suggestions, even when they're not really suggestions.

When told to add a background to a drawing of a wooden figure, he added a primitive looking goal post and wouldn't put any more details. His excuse was "But, I don't know what to do."

On his papier mache project, he refused to add more layers because, "we're moving and I'm going to have to throw it away anyway." When I was sick and had a substitute near the end of the project, some of the newspaper additions that he'd taped on fell off. Instead of retaping them, he pulled them all the way off and like that'd be enough.

I mentioned Jake's name to his teacher, and she told me about an incident that happened this year. Jake's dad and stepmom planned a vacation in another state. Jake decided that he didn't like the destination and refuse to go. His parents let him stay at his mother's house instead of going on the trip with the rest of the family.

I don't know about you, but I would have tied his ass to the car. Why did his parent's let him make the choice? What happened to the parents, in Calvin and Hobbes' words, as "Supreme Dictators for Life?" There's no way that my parents, particularly my mom, would have let me get away with that.

I worry about this kid. Jake's got no independence, no self-esteem, and every task's just an opportunity to argue with someone about why he doesn't need to do it.

Sure my mom was a selfish bitch. But I'm a better person because of it.


Anonymous said...

My mother was a real selfish bitch because 1, she beat me when she was irritated because she mistook me for a punching bag or stress ball.

2, She comes from work and had a bad day or whatever, and the first thing she says when she walks in is swear at me and call me stupid. (and I was only 9)

3, I had a condition of stuttering. She humilated me for that and treated me as though I was stupid.

4, On a daily basis, I got sworn at, beaten for making a little mistake such as dropping something on the floor at the age of 6.

5, One of her loser boyfriends molests me and she accuses me of lying instead of protecting me.

6, Manipulation - I was afraid to tell anyone because she told me that I should be gratefel to her because she works her a** off trying to provide me a home when she could have easily thrown me on the street.

7. When I was 13 I was finally taken away. I was a ward of the state till I was 18. And let me tell u, being a ward of the state is horrible. You are nothing but a number.

Now, would you still call your mother a selfish bitch or are you another spoiled, self-centered, self-entitled suburban teen? I don't know your background or your age but I'm assuming you are young or college age. I hope you looked back and realize what you are saying. I hope you didnt have the same situation as me and others. I'd happily switch places with you in a heartbeat.

Cleaning up is nothing. She probably had you do chores so that you'll grow up to be a responsible adult. I hope you are. Just my thoughts from one internet stranger to another.

Kate said...

I'm sorry that you were treated badly. It sounds like you had a tough time.

I think that you should read my post again because I clearly said that what my mother did for me helped me. No, I didn't get beaten or molested and for that I'm thankful.

As for my age, if you read more than just the headline of this one post, you would know more about me. I am not some "spoiled suburban teenager." Before she died last year, my mother read this blog and enjoyed the stories in it, even the ones in which I called her a bitch.

Believe it or not, I had a wonderful relationship with her, which I'll miss every day. One that will not be minimized by you telling me about your problems, which, while tragic, have nothing to do with my relationship with my mother.

fernando said...

my mon is a selfish bitch too.
some times i like too think she is dead and i live in a perfect world and it works.she has this stupid ideas and as a result she has two jobs and gets at home like at 10pm and i have live like this like by my own for 5 years and i just cant stand a stranger coming home telling me stuff.


Maureen said...

I think this is called "denial". Grateful that your mother was a "selfish bitch"? Hmmmm. Do you seriously believe this is consistent with being concerned with imparting important life lessons? My mother is also a selfish bitch, and for many years, I was convinced her personality had somehow imparted a positive influence on me, and taught me such lessons as: strength, and independence. Then I got out into the world, and grew up, more or less, and now I can see with clear eyes that being a selfish bitch is exactly what it is - and that its an influence that is best gotten over. A selfish bitch is generally really immature and irresponsible, qualities not very consistent with independence or maturity or strength of character. So if you believe your mother is a selfish bitch, you better get real with yourself about what that really means: and generally, it means crap.

Kate said...

Sarcasm and irony do not always come across in writing, which is how 'selfish bitch' was meant. My mother did not do things for me but taught me how to do for myself.

I'm not in denial. Because of her insistence that I do things myself, I did learn to be self reliant and independent. Neither of which is immature and irresponsible.

Are you equating the strength and independence you thought you gained from your mother with immaturity and irresponsibility? Please explain, because I don't see how that works.

Also, my mother 'is' not a selfish bitch, she died in 2007. I miss her every day, not only for her wonderful sense of humor but also for her ability to help me to see things more clearly.

So, despite your insistence that I'm out of touch with reality, I can assure that's not the case.

Anonymous said...

My mum was a schizophrenic bitch, who screamed at me constantly "I wish you were never born" "You ruined my life" "I could have done so much more without you" "You little bitch" "People just think you are nothing, nothing, nothing, nothing" "Dont trust anyone". She never hugged me or told me she oved me. She is a complete selfish whore incapable of love. She attempted sudicide and went to a mental hospital leaving me to look after a 9 month old baby when I was 11. Meanwhile my father was busy sexually abusing me for my whole childhood. Now Im a homeless prostitute, still wishing I was never born.

Anonymous said...

Clearly your mom wasn't evil unlike some of the horror stories that are being posted here.
However good parents (like your mom from the sounds of it) will of course occassionally be viewed that why from us ungreatful children when were growing up. Your story made me smile because I have a wonderful mom and dad who directed me in cleaning which as a kid I hated and gave me some tough love sometimes when I needed it and it has helped me grow into a adult who will take accountablity for her actions. I work at a bank call center and I often have 18 year olds 20 something years olds 30 something year olds and yes saddly even 40 something year old call me and put there mom on the phone to scream at me about how evil I am and how evil the bank I work for is because their adult "child" didn't bother to do grade school level math and overdrew their accounts and were charged fees they agreeded to when they opened the account. It leaves me wishing more parents would teach their children to be accountable and help them grow into adults not 40 something year olds that still act like they are in middle school.
Gods and Godesses bless the god parents out there.

Anonymous said...

At least your mothers didn't throw away 25 years of marriage, get divorced and then go on a crazy sexcapade and drinking binge, ruining her reputation in the town we live in and sleeping with guys that were the age of her son.

Anonymous said...

What's worst? Being raised in a brothel, having to live through parents' nasty divorce, being treated like a princess slave, or losing both parents to cancer by nine?

The answer as I discovered at a lunch years ago, is that we all think we've got it badly, until we hear of someone worse off.

BUT hearing of worse off, doesn't change our experience of bad.

We all have problems and disappointments but it isn't a competition. There should be enough empathy all round. Come on girls, we can do better.

Anonymous said...

Was your mom there for you when you had a problem? Did she help you when you had a difficulty?

We (like all other animals) have parents to do things for us when we are incapable and to teach us how to fend for ourselves.

I'm very pleased your mom taught you to fend for yourself, this is very healthy, but as another poster suggested, there is nothing healthy about not caring about your kids.

I think the crucial thing to think about is - was she there for you when you needed her?

If not, I would not be counting my blessings any time soon.

Brianna said...

Well, my mother never hit me or had boyfriends that molested me as one anonymous writer had said but my mom sounds a lot more bitchy that what you described. My parents have been in nasty fights that have gone on and on for the last 3 years before my mom moved out 2 months ago. She would moop around the house rather depressed crying, always remarking about how I needed to do something or I had done something right, and would always talk about how I didn't have any friends and I was a loser. One day my Dad had come home and they got in a argument again and just suddently snapped and started hitting my dad hysterically right infront of me and my sister. Another night I had heard her announce loudly that she would gladly keep the house in exchange for my Dad having custody of me. But I can gladly say I think my selfish mom had made me a better person and when I have kids I would never put them through the hell
i've been through

Anonymous said...

My Mom also makes me clean while she sits on her but and tells me what to do. I have to clean, change the puppy pads, give my little sister a bath, give her a pop and cook for her. I don't even do homework because she took me out of school. Even tho I keep telling her I want to go to school and make friends. I have no friends...

Anonymous said...

Huh. Perhaps there is a difference between a "selfish bitch" and a person who shouldn't have had children.

I'm not sure why everyone here wants to one-up you on the how-bad-my-mom-treated-me front, but it's sad.

I took your writing for what it was. A bit sarcastic. A bit ironic. A bit humorous. A piece of your childhood and how you developed because of it.

Perhaps instead of whining and trying to bring you down, some of your readers should blog themselves. I'm thinking "MyLifeIsWorseThanYoursSoFeelBadForMeBecauseMySelfPityJustIsntDoingTheJob.Com"

Keep doing what you do.

Anonymous said...

Oh dear that last poster anonymous, one upping is that what you think it is?

Abuse never goes away, you deal with it your whole life, when someone who was fortunate enough to be loved as a child, welcomed into the world I imagine life looks very differently to the lifelong struggles adult children of abusive, disordered and unhealthy people have, for them each day, each moment is a fight to learn and be normal, the fact is they do better than anyone else out there yet are the most self critical, they are honest, authentic, truthful, empathic and concerned.

People like you with your flippant remarks about 'one upping' just don't get it and never will. Think yourself very lucky that you were wanted and cared for, many of us have no idea what that is like and we meet you in so many wearying disguises it beggars belief.

Thing about adult children of dysfunction is they see these things, these remarks for what they are. Denial and dishonest lacking authenticity and we are so done with that bullshit.

Anonymous said...

my mother when I have most needed her, has betrayed me for her own selfish reasons...and left me to get hurt in the process and is unapologetic about it too. She was 19 when she got married, and wasn't ready, and has taken her resentments out on me ever since...what kind of mother drives their own kid into a dark pit, not once but time and time again, and leaves you to fend for yourself, thats a messed up way of "teaching self-reliance"...if you're not ready to have kids do all of us a favor and don't

Anonymous said...

...My life is kind of like Steve Jobs's life. Im absolutely a genius with computers and electronics, but i feel that my mom just doesn't care about me at all. Just like steves dad didn't care about him. My mom absolutely hates me. She turn the electricity off in all the rooms, never turns on the air conditioer in the summer, or heater in the winter. she hits me, pulls out my hair (im a guy but i have kinda long hair), throws my stuff and uses it when i tell her not to. watches me do chores while she sit on the damn computer. dont ever make me dinner so i have to make my own food. i mostly only eat in school. she took my bed and sold it. cut her arm up with a knife and blamed it on me, getting me in trouble. shw wont get me clothes that fit me. half the time i have to go to school with greasy hair because she wont let me take a shower or bath. and when i get to take one, its a cold bath. i always have late homework at school because she doesnt care enough to even let me do that. I do all the stuff that she wants, like fix her computer when it breaks and she still tells me that i dont do shit for her, so why should she do shit for me. i just got a new laptop from my friend and she is threatening to smash it or sell last one got smashed. i really dont know what to life sucks. i would take anyone elses life for mine if i could. God she even tells me that i was just accidently born. she never wanted kids but she was too much of a sissy to have an abortion...if you read my life story...thanks i guess...

Anonymous said...

I just wanna ask is ur mom a bitch or not..coz my mother is a big bitch and my grand mother enjoys it if I had tym I wud tell u wat a big bitch she is she dosnt even treat me like her own daughter she's having an affair with a man who is half her age almost of my age and she treats me like bull shit..but I have many ppl around me who are very loving and my boy friens who love me a lot takes my responsibility gives me all tat I its ok

James said...

Kate said...

I'm sorry that you were treated badly. It sounds like you had a tough time.

I think that you should read my post again because I clearly said that what my mother did for me helped me. No, I didn't get beaten or molested and for that I'm thankful.

As for my age, if you read more than just the headline of this one post, you would know more about me. I am not some "spoiled suburban teenager." Before she died last year, my mother read this blog and enjoyed the stories in it, even the ones in which I called her a bitch.

Believe it or not, I had a wonderful relationship with her, which I'll miss every day. One that will not be minimized by you telling me about your problems, which, while tragic, have nothing to do with my relationship with my mother.

- Kate, cannot believe you decided to leave such a self-indulgent reply to a post from a person who clearly had a torrid upbringing as a child, you selfish, arrogant so and so!

Anonymous said...


You're full of rich-girl bullshit.

Anonymous said...

My mother is a useless. LAZY mom and the WORST grandma EVER. She would not walk across the street for anyone. Everything is always just about her, her diabetes problems, her weight problems,etc. I just cannot speak to her anymore, I'm so fed-up. Its like dealing with a child who didn't get their candy at the corner store. She never cooks a single meal and yet she has NO job. The only thing that i can actually give her credit for is she quit smoking after 50 long years. I must admit, I'm shocked but she did it as she was a HEAVY smoker so that was quite a feat I must admit. My kids are growing up so quickly and she does literally nothing for them and yet she is the one that put pressure on us to have kids in the first place.

Gogol said...

sometimes you just need to understand parents and learn to accept both their positive and negative gifts. im probably an over-ass when saying this. i think women are generally selfish, absent-minded, and wont admit mistakes. and yet they still think they deserve to be treated all good. that's all because they're weaker in nature.
while men couldn't take his glorious ego but into one thing. often it's in form of violence, hard argument, or stupid and/or wasteful decisions. i mean im a guy too. i hope that's quite fair. lol
i gotta tell that i havent getting thru as bad as you guys have. my parents are pretty normal tho. the only problem is probably their absence during my childhood when both of them work. while im the only child, carrying ADD and grew up to be a bipolar. plus fat and jobless.
im quite shocked and 'swollen' reading your stories. and i feel terribly sorry for what happened with you. but im sure we all deserve and able to regain our self-esteem and living life positively. ..i guess.

Anonymous said...

come one people give this woman a break some people are idiots on the net she talking about her life not yours or mine.. so im understanding what she getting at .. My mother is a selfish bitch she never loved me when i was born maybe because she had me when she was older she always wanted me to be by myself and well i never had a boyfriend because of her selfish issues i actually ranaway with a lesbian girl and had problem later in the relationship because i wasnt a lesbian i just needed to escape the situation i was in she had be in jailhouse it sads now im 41 and unmarried dont have children and that my screwed up life thanks to a selfish bitch..

Anonymous said...

my mother so evil she never wants to spend time with me and doesn't ever care how i feel! She never is thankful that I help her and always up then I'm the moody bitch when im not . My dads a twat who i never see and so both my parents are fucking assholes .

Anonymous said...

when i was born my mother messed up her brain when she was giving birth to me and my sister. she is now a horriable mothet a mentally abuses us... she wont cook or clean or do anything fot us... she is a total bitch she sits on her fat ass all day and has drepression issues... Yes she is a selfish bitch

Anonymous said...

It seems like a lot of us have similar stories of selfish mothers. My mother married me off at the ripe old age of 15 to a 22 year old man. But that was probably the best thing that could've happened to me considering she was (and still is) a manipulative, selfish, drug addict who loves the attention of ANY man and has put Myself and my younger brother through Hell. I am an adult now and I have some issues still, because of her. However, I have managed to pick myself up and move forward towards a better life. That will be my revenge! She will be a lonely old selfish bitch, and I will be a productive, SUCCESSFUL and HAPPY person :)

Anonymous said...

my mum is a bitch sometimes too. unfortunately i live with her alone (my father lives in different state) i also get bullied badly at school (i get hit punched all sorts at school). i told teacher once and ended up with a broken leg. they threw me out a 2 story window. i have thought about running away for good tried that once. do not do it.i have tried a suicide attempt but got caught. so i ways i am stronger but also have life long hurts that will never go no matter what. P.s i am 15 years old and a girl

Anonymous said...

My mom is also a huge bitch who only cares about the attention of ANY man. Her boyfriend moved in and didn't pay rent, then he wanted my brother out so she threw him out with no warning. Just tossed him out like garbage. And he lived homeless for a year. Now it's my turn. I'm hard working, spent $300 on her 50th birthday so that she wouldn't feel so upset about turning 50 but I got nothing from her for my birthday 2 months later. I work hard, help her around the house, pay her bills, and do everything, but her boyfriend is the ONLY important person in her life. And my life is all screwed up now and I'm all alone because of her. But she would NEVER want to be alone, but she's forcing me to be.

Hazama said...

People! You are taking this the wrong way! --" Katie I understand your position as the son of a businessman, he taught me how to be responsible, trustworthy, humble, and all the other strengths of character that I now possess. I do believe that your "my mom's a bitch" comment was meant in good spirits because it doesn't square quite right with how reality played out for you.

I am sorry that all of you have had horrible lives, but trust me, all of us never have a fantastic life. Katie's point was to say that her mom was dictatorial at home, and that these kids nowadays have parents that consent to children's wishes too much. I would have forced my child (if I had one) to go to that trip as well, whether he liked it or not, because he's in my house and in my house I'm the one who makes the rules, not him.

Of course, no man can't really close the gap between a stepmom and a stepson, that certainly does have to be earned by the stepmother, but a parent still has a right to rule a child until he is of mature age (and sometimes beyond that, in my culture it is always expected for a son to obey their parents no matter what, even if the sons and daughters have a family the parent still has the right to impose his rule on the son).

Anonymous said...

My mother is a bitch, too.
When I became an adult the feminist movement was happening and I rationalized my mother's behaviour with feminist theroies. As the years went on it became clear to me that these theroies are bunk because no matter how many times I used feminist forgiveness of her, she was being a bitch. She's still a bitch and always will be. A bitch is a bitch.

Anonymous said...

my moms just a bitch. plain and simple. she doesnt act that way to try and help me and she called me a bitch child.

Anonymous said...

I hate my mum she should die i would have no feelings about her

Anonymous said...

Haha I dont care for my mom one bit! Shes a total bitch! She always threatens to tell my dad that im bad or that im not respectful and the only reason that bothers me is because I have more respect for my dad than anyone in world. She just hates me I dont know why! Maybe its because im the only planed child of my family because she could have aborted me

Anonymous said...

My mom can be selfish. She always wants me to do everything and yet still says I don't do anything for her. My father is a messed up psychotic who molested me when I was seven until I was ten. Then he put me in a mental hospital to keep me quiet. My mom is a good mom. She just needs to get off of her but, get off of the computer and get a car. She is disabled so she can't work. She threw my sister out because she was a bitch. She hit me and called me stupid, worthless, lazy. At 22 she still didn't have a job. In school I have straight A's. My father tried to kidnap me when I was nine. He Always abused my pets and told me he never wanted me. My mom comes up with excuses to why she can't do anything. We have been nearly homeless. My grandparents are shit. They don't help at all. So before all of you go off about how your lives suck because your mom is mean and what not, just realize there is someone who has had it way worse than you.

Anonymous said...

You just sound selfish because your mom is making you independent. You have to learn that you won't always get what you want suck it up and move on. Stop your complaining.

Anonymous said...

Call the CPS or tell another adult. If she puts bruises on you I would show them to someone. Someone like the school counseler. Hope this helps. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

My mother is not just selfish. She is crazy. The bitch really is. Even though im only a teen right now i had to do alot of growing up to do for me and my brother. Ivs been cooking sense i was 7 and cleaning my ass off sense my ass could walk. She thinks she always know what me and my brother is thinking , eating, talking on the phone with, texting and she dont even pay my phone bill. She works everyday from 11 to 5 pm and when get off the bus at 3 i have just those two hours to do what ever the hell i want before she comes in the house blazing that the house need to be clean and how i need to get my fat ass up. Um correction your the only fat ass in the house. And on top of that she always screaming pofanity ans calling me a jackass and retarded. I cant make it stop going through my head that my own mother would call me all these names. Never in my life have called me baby or sweetie not even honey not once in my life.

Anonymous said...

Every individual has many stories to tell, life experiences of an array of emotions & consequences... pain, joy, fear, etc... I appreciate this blogger for sharing her snapshot of life and the quirky love-hate relationship most have with every individual, not just our parents... but often the most felt dichotomy & complicated bond is that with our parents or caregivers.

However, I worry about this poor little boy Jake, who is so liberally judged and tried. Children though the most adaptable and resilient are broken the easiest and over time wounds show, through emotional, intellectual, spiritual, physical and social avenues. Healthy childhood development is such a fragile serious concern, that to be anything but patient and compassionate while balancing discipline in a classroom or any circumstance with powerless children would be gross abuse... yet human beings are flawed and more often than not such perfect individuals don't exist. Yet as a teacher publishing anything about your students is a violation in professionalism and of your job contract (at least in my country). Furthermore, a child's art... more than an essay, lab report, math project or music should theoretically be a sacred space for expression with guidelines but not criticism, a place away from the profane, the dictum of society or status quo.

I do appreciate your sass, but believe a maturity in empathy that is not self-centered would benefit you with these children. In this, I mean an ability to appreciate anothers separate experience away from your own preconceived parameters of life and relationships... away from personal bias... if not for our fellow adult, at least for children. Though to completely dissociate from bias is a hard thing.

Back to Jake: to judge a child clearly experiencing his own pain, uncertainty and navigation of life is unkind. I certainly would not wish ill will such as you describe(i.e.: In judging his decision not to go on a trip with his father and step-family and stay with his mother) from a teacher/dependent unto my child or any child.

With empathy think on Jake, he could be afraid of his new role in this new family, dealing with the rupture of divorce, feeling emotionally neglected and felt safer & nurtured more with some members of his new/old family and not others. This child may not be like you, he may be more emotionally sensitive and all the information is not accessible to you... everyone's life experience and selves is individual.

Long story short, please endeavour to practice more patience and strength with others, especially children entrusted to you to nurture. A narrow-minded view is pitiable, lacking the array of rich life and the colourful diversity of the human condition.

But as they say: “No one means all he says, and yet very few say all they mean, for words are slippery and thought is viscous. - Henry Adams

Kate said...

To Anonymous May 21
"Yet as a teacher publishing anything about your students is a violation in professionalism and of your job contract"

Maybe. But as with doctors and patients, if the information is abstracted and anonymous, it is allowed. Though calling a seven year old blog post on a very small blog 'publishing' is a bit of a stretch.

"a child's art... [] should theoretically be a sacred space for expression with guidelines but not criticism, a place away from the profane, the dictum of society or status quo"

No. A project created for a grade can only be antithetical to this. As a teacher I am obligated to both criticize and grade. The student is free to defend their process, but 'sacred space' it is not.

"please endeavour to practice more patience and strength with others, especially children entrusted to you to nurture. A narrow-minded view is pitiable, lacking the array of rich life and the colourful diversity of the human condition"

Seven (7!) years after this initially posted, I still think the same. Of course, this is assuming that I had been Jake's parent to start. You give kids independence where you can, but rein them in when you can't. Jake probably did have a hard time. I certainly did have empathy for him. I would NEVER tell him any of the things I expressed in this post. He was 8, and not fully responsible for his actions.

But, to call me 'narrow-minded' and 'pitiable' is presumptuous and rude, not even taking into account that this is ONE blog post.

Try reading this one or this one before you wear yourself out pitying me.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I feel your pain, I've got a mom who doesn't even care about shit and always bitches about herself being number one and shit. Im just eleven and she tends to treat me like shit because I came from her womb and from my dads sperm. Like, who the hell cares? My dad abused me and he's already gone, and she takes advantage of what I am. Sakes, she chooses grades instead of life. Even if mom read this, and flips, I ain't going to be mad, because I told her the truth, for fuck sakes.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes a mother can be a selfish bitch and the only thing she can teach you is to not be like her. Thats what my mother taught me.

Anonymous said...

My mother hated me because I loved my father as well as her when I was young. She turned my brother and sister against him even though she is still married to him. My father is the kindest gentlest man ever.
So to punish me she would call me a bitch, slap my face and my bedroom had just a bed in and nothing else, no other furniture. I had the smallest room without a window and I never asked for anything and was never given anything but hell.
My brother and sister reaped the rewards with beautiful beds, linen toys and clothes and anything they wanted.
Sometimes a mother is a bitch because she can be.
My husband says i remind him of cinderella the way I was treated.

Anonymous said...

I too learned not to be like my mother. I always knew something was wrong as I was growing up. A child can feel when they aren't loved or wanted or wasn't the favorite child. I ended up doing something similar to cutting, but not that, something else self-destructive locked behind the bathroom door.

Later, three times she told me that she wished she would have gotten an abortion when she was pregnant with me, plus I always heard that my brother was the 'wanted, the planned child'. What I would have said to a daughter, "Although I'm glad I had you, I wish I would have given birth to you 10 years later when I was more mature".

After my brother died (about 5 years ago), she became a monster. She tortured me saying she was going to turn over the executorship to my dad's and brother's estate to the greedy thief that was trying to take everything they left to me. The thief, Jim, had already received about $150,000 worth of 'boy toys' (cars, tractors, computers, motorcycles, etc.). I did all the work so mom didn't have to do hardly anything, but she still wanted to turn it over to Jim to handle. As it ended up, (I wouldn't let her), but it still ended up costing the estate $30,000 to save what little was left.

She is extremely controlling and manipulative because she has money, and hangs "carrots" (promises of money and things she will leave to people in her Will) over people's heads so they will put up with her abuse and do things for her. Everyone has given up on her because they don't believe it will happen anyway and it just isn't worth the abuse.

My mother supposedly heard from my brother before he died that I allegedly sexually abused him when we were children. It is a total lie, but mom never asked me if it was true. She just believed him. By the way, he was in hospice on morphine, but I still don't believe that he would lie like this. Not only did she tell me (a year after he died!!!) that she believed it, but she told all of her friends, our whole family, even my neighbors. She ruined my life where I live, which is 3000 miles away from her.

She befriended my enemies and even told them many lies and had them spy on me for years. What mother does this??????????????

I just went to visit her when I was in MI visiting a whole family (that she kept me from for 30 years), and the first thing she did or said was "Clip my toenails". I stayed for 24 hours to visit with her and every word out of her mouth was ordering me around, demands, putting on an act that she was 50 times sicker than she really is. She only did it so that I wouldn't see my high school friends and family.

She also kept me from my father for 10 years and even though he walked on in 2009, she is still competing with him.

She is NEVER wrong, never admits anything that she does or says, is in complete denial of everything, has a warped sense of reality, and never ever apologizes.

She's a drama queen, cries to get her way, and right now is even trying to manipulate doctors, hospitals and nursing homes, and her poor caretaker.

Anonymous said...

Read self-help books and practice fixing your damaged mind. A couple decades of abuse can be fixed by practicing positive self-talk. Read 'You Can Heal Your Life'. Don't complain about your life sucking unless you write it on the wall with your own bloody wrists.

donna said...

Kate: your headline: my mother was a selfish bitch and is purposely misleading. then you get mad at the people posting who had real bitches as mothers. Perhaps it is you Kate who is the bitch here, for calling your mom one in the first place, for she was only showing you responsibility. Mine did the same things, I never called her a bitch. Watch your language. Arent your ashamed now that shes passed on.

donna said...

Kate\; I think youre the bitch here for calling your mom a bitch, and misleading readers. Why get mad at them when youre the crappy writer with a sick sense of humor. wonder what your mom thinks of you, now that shes dead.

Anonymous said...

Well hey I'm 20 years old and my mother is nothing but a selfish bitch. My father died years ago, when I was around 4ish. Anywho, my mother is a straight up bitch towards me only. See, I have two younger brothers from her, the youngest from the dude she's been with for a pretty long time. I was told when my mom was a teenager she tried committing suicide a couple of times. Since my father died I don't think anything's been ok in my life. Throughout my childhood I was always treated like I was so unwanted. She used to drink a shitload, and with her mood swings it always lead to something that anybody coulda lived without dealing with. I have severe ptsd because of what this woman's put me through. Her boyfriend was very abusive towards me. Picked up 3 felony charges for child abuse the neighbors called in because he was drunk. Me and my younger brothers went to foster care too many times in life. My mother told me I deserved it. Her and her boyfriend would get very drunk, and my mother has always had this love for calling the police.. I was told she would call on my father for no reason all the time and they'd end up taking him away.. Well anyway, my point is that she enjoys breaking people down. She'd hardcore fuck with me, like someone wouldn't even do to their worst enemies and called 911 after I walked away. So they ended up coming, listening to her shit which never even happened and I'd be locked in the psych ward for 2 weeks. Being loaded up with every antipsychotic medication imaginable (went through a lot of visits) nothing worked only messed me up physically. She lost her life a few years ago due to an opiate addiction because her boyfriend pushed her and broke her ankle. I'd have to say about 5 years ago right after Halloween she gave all of us up in a court hearing she was late for (taking my brand new iPod and selling it for drugs) she whispered to her attorney because she couldn't say it out loud to the judge that she wanted all 3 kids in separate foster homes and my grandma (her mom) out by 5:30 that day. My grandma didn't let that happen so the court ended up giving her a place so she could take care of me and my brothers. It's been 5 years now, and my mom has lived with us the whole time. Not working, not cleaning, paying rent, paying for food (and she has food stamps) doesn't have her license,nothing. But I'm here 20 years old, I've been on my own, done my own but I just don't understand why always breaking me down my whole life had to happen. There's so much more shit that went on but I'm sure it's easy to get the feel about it. I just don't know why she's always told me "I should have had you aborted while I had the chance" "You shoulda died not your father" "do everyone a favor and die" my nickname growing up from her was "cunt" sometimes even "sick cunt" then she would call my family up and tell them what a monster I was. I'm a little pissed off that my grandma allows this. I mean if somebody's taking $700 overdrawn money from your account and has your car wouldn't you take that shit out on them? I'm epileptic, I can't drive so I don't. I've always loved my mom, I just can't stand the sight of her anymore. We're all moving, and she's got a place to go. I remember talking to her about disability and a place where I could rent out, said she'd be living with me. Idk I just feel like she's never done anything positive for me. I get yelled at and talked down on for a fuckin roach clip but it's "here's an extra $30" to the bitch with a bunch of needles in her purse. I've always wanted my mom to get better, tried helping her, been nothing but sweet to her all my life and I always just got shit on in return. I'm a very good person with a good heart (obviously it doesn't come from her)

Anonymous said...

Sounds a lot like my mother.

Sarah Vaughan said...

Did you really just act like this kid is awful because of how he did an art project? Get over yourself.

Also, it's not really any of your damn business where the kid went or didn't go when his family went on vacation. You seem like the most ridiculous person in the world for even bringing it up.

Anonymous said...

I just read through the comments and am completely disgusted by most of them. It's like a competition to see who suffered the most. I thought your post was quite inspirational because it told me that there are still great things in situations that may seem bad. And also, RIP to your mother. I'm sure she misses you dearly <3

tara tamburri said...

You do sound like a spoiled rich girl. A student's life was turned upside down because of a divorce and all you can take away is that they allowed him to stay with his mother? The horror that he didn't get punished into being an even more difficult child, something was obviously affecting him you selfish bitch.

After all those years you need to realize you were just born a bitter person perhaps who delights on others pitying them and love to see the weak and helpless put down so you feel good. Giving out condolences is giving away a great prize, because yopu believe everyone a should be put down. Just like your cold whiney responses to commenters pain. Also, your writing is shit. Perhaps your mother should have taught you that instead?

You bitched about chores as a child and now you're bitching about a young child. Your mother should be proud.

Anonymous said...

My mum hasnt been working since 1999 after her surgery for fibriod. Even before that she is not that sort of person who will work hard to earn money to feed family. Now that she is 65 years old and retired a long time ago. She gives 1000 excuses not to cook a meal. She and dad r always eating out. Hawker food is no good but still eat. I bought vege n meat for them n she can just leave them in the fridge to rot. Twice a week eating instant noodles. Ystd a fren gave us a bunch of roselle buds n suggested we boil them for the Roselle water. My mum immediately got rid of them not because shr doesnt know what to do with them but she is just too lazy to deal with it. I found out that her excuses are fake n using all sorts of ways to avoid having a hard time herself. Her routine work is get up fm bed, laundry, tv, lunch, ironing, nap, tv, dinner, tv, nap by 11pm. It is not that she is ignorant but rather very lazy woman. Imagine most house chores done by my dad. Lucky that my dad can still tolerate her... dad complained several times about my mum to me. I can totally understand and agree. How to deal with a very lazy mother?