Wednesday, January 13, 2010


Maybe if I crawl under the covers.
Maybe if I stay off the computer.
Maybe if I don't answer the phone.
Maybe if I don't make any phone calls.
Maybe if I go to sleep.
Maybe if I concentrate hard enough I can go back in time.

Maybe then I won't have to hear the bad news.  That will mean it didn't happen, that will mean everything's fine, that will mean I can get in my car and go over to my dad's house and he will be there, reading the newspaper.  That will mean he's not in the hospital on a respirator, fighting to stay alive, through pneumonia, through pulmonary emboli, through the cancer.

Tuesday, January 05, 2010

My Dad is Ill

So you might know my mom died in June of 2007.

It seems my dad is having some problems too. About a month and a half ago he stopped going to the movies with us every Sunday. Then he wouldn't go to lunch either. He showed us his leg, which had swollen to twice its normal size. We tried to get him to the doctor and he said sure, but didn't make an appointment.

Then about two weeks after that I noticed that he seemed yellow. I told him so and he called me crazy. I asked my siblings to look. Brad said he didn't see it, but Jenny went and saw him the day after that and she said she saw it too. We finally convinced him to go to the doctor after he stopped leaving the house to go grocery shopping and was calling us to bring him food.

Jenny took him to his regular doctor that he's been seeing since his stroke last March. ( I don't remember if I've written about that before. Dad was walking funny and holding his arm weird and told us he'd fallen down in the garage. We thought that maybe he'd cracked a rib. Turns out he'd had a stroke and didn't go to the doctor for almost 10 days after. I spent most of Spring Break taking him to different doctor's appointments.)

Anyway, all the doctor did was give him a diuretic for the swelling in his legs, but nothing about being YELLOW, almost like an Oompa Loompa. When I went to check on him after, he yelled at me for telling him that he needed a second opinion and more tests, but I convinced him to see another doctor. I made an appointment with a geriatric doctor. What I didn't know is that he had stopped moving almost entirely and also wasn't eating. Plus still yellow.

On Friday December 18th, Jenny called me at work to tell me that Dad had called Brad at their house and said, "I think you should take me to the hospital." I got the message during my conference period and called Jenny back, but she didn't have any information. I called Brad, but Jenny answered his cell phone because he'd left it at home. So I called the first hospital I could think of, and they only transferred my call three times before I got someone who could tell me that Yes, my dad had been admitted, but No, they had not done any tests yet.

I stayed at work until the end of the day and left right after and got to the hospital around 3:15. Brad was on his way out to go home and shower, but Jenny and Chloe were in the room with him. The doctors gave him antibiotics and I think some glucose, and said they were going to run some tests. They've done a bunch of tests. He's still in the hospital and they still don't really know what's wrong. Fortunately, they did correct the narrowing in his bile duct that caused the yellow. Unfortunately, they think he has lung cancer, but none of the tests have shown cancer, but they still think that he has cancer. Yay, medicine.

He's down in the rehab wing of the hospital, getting PT and Occupational Therapy too, but he's not eating and he doesn't seem to be interested in much. He won't eat the hospital food because he says it's crap, so we've been buying him things like organic soups and such. He doesn't seem to like that either, but he made some new demands yesterday for chicken, egg and tuna salad sandwiches and fruit. We'll see.

Stay tuned, and tomorrow I'll tell you what happened when Jenny fired Dad's doctor.

Saturday, January 02, 2010

Total Dork

Look what I got for Christmas:

And, it came with the doll I mean action figure below:

My brother rocks. I've been wanting to watch the miniseries over again, but I may have to use it as a reward to get some of my work done that I need to finish by Monday.

Friday, January 01, 2010

Happy New Year 2010

I suck at resolutions, and I'm not so good at goal setting.  I've put together goals of all kinds in the last few years, following very few of them to their conclusion, even if I wrote them down.

But.  I have been missing blogging.  I miss the people that I met while blogging.  Unfortunately, every time I start to compose a post, I re-read it and decide that it's crap.  I have no idea where this fear originated, but it's got to go.  Fuck that noise.  So if I have one non-resolution, one non-goal, it's to start blogging again.  I'm not going to make any promises about how often or how long the posts will be, but I'm going to blog again, for me and perhaps my two favorite readers (and honestly better writers than me) because I miss it.

So, Happy 2010 to everyone (both of you), and though posting has been sporadic to say the least, I'm glad that I can say that I've been blogging since 2004 and I don't intend to quit.